Who I Lost Because of Parelli

Little did I know that when I began the Parelli Program I would lose someone very close to me because of it.  Slowly, as the months wore on and I became further immersed in the Parelli culture, the distance between us increased.  She said she didn’t know me anymore, didn’t like my day to day choices.  I said I didn’t know her anymore either, I couldn’t understand her weakness and close minded attitude.  When all was said and done, I didn’t lose her to illness or death or from a move to another state.  I lost her because I decided to grow and she didn’t.  I lost her because of Parelli.  The person that I lost… was me.

I’ve had a lot of first experiences this year that have put me outside of my comfort zone (like really far!) and, at times, I was downright terrified, fearing for my life.  I’ve been in uncomfortable situations where although my mortality wasn’t on the line, my self-confidence or my ego was.  I recently wrote a blog called Leadership, Rock Climbing, and Horses in which I talk about a climb that I was very, very scared to do.  In that moment, instead of quitting, I assured myself that the discomfort I was experiencing was good for my emotional fitness and that I should keep going.  Following that statement, I immediately credited Parelli for giving me that tool; the ability to have the insight to know when I was doing something outside of my comfort zone that would ultimately propel me into self-development and personal growth (usually followed by a very good night’s sleep!).  The me that I lost all those years ago would have never even gone rock climbing. And if she had decided to go climbing in a moment of madness or confusion, would have certainly given up in the face of paralyzing fear and lowered herself back to earth, never to rock climb again.  

   

The me that I lost all those years ago would not have been brave enough to embrace her role as learner and to seize the opportunity when it came time to ride in front of Pat Parelli.  She would have doubted her skills, her worthiness to exist with a horse in front of a horseman of that caliber.  She would have found an excuse not to go, silently regretting it, and wishing she was a better, braver girl.

The me that I lost all those years ago would have never gotten back into horses after having a bad accident on a colt where she lost all confidence and in its place pain and fear grew rampant.
    

I am sure you can see why I had to let her go, why we went our separate ways.  The old me was only committed to things that felt safe and weren’t too scary or uncomfortable.  The old me didn’t push her personal boundaries.  It’s important you know though that the old me wasn’t a quitter, because you can’t quit something when you refuse to even try!

Horses are herd animals and with that comes a natural born need for an established hierarchy.  Horses are looking for a leader; a horse with a plan that is smarter, braver, more athletic, and savvier than they are.  They vote every day to see which horse has earned the right to be responsible for the entire herd’s survival and well being.  As humans we have it a bit tougher than that.  First, we must prove that while we are predators, we won’t act like one.  Second, we must then earn our horse’s vote for alpha by showing them our worth to their survival and basic needs of safety, comfort, and play.  I can tell you right now that the old me was not leadership material.  Leaders need to have self-confidence, a plan, an unwavering belief in what they’re doing and what they’re asking their horse to do.  I had none of those… but as I journeyed through the Parelli Program, Level by Level, I began to transform.

The greatest gift Parelli has given me has been the ability to diagnose a situation that I am in, whether with my horse or with other people.  Once you know what’s really happening you have the power to shape what’s going on, to change things for the better.  As I learned to master the art of diagnosis I could make faster, more powerful changes for my horse, but I also gained the insight to realize when something simply wasn’t about me (after all, one of Parelli’s core values is don’t take things personal), or that I may be uncomfortable in the short term but would gain personal growth in the long term.  I began to look at life and start asking questions:  Is my horse disrespectful or fearful?  Is that person angry at me or upset by something else?  Am I really going to die on this rock wall or is this a fear that is not actually real?  Once you have an understanding of what is really going on you are in control of your situation.

Yes, that's Pat Parelli behind me! / photo: Coco

Last night, at our employee lesson with Pat, he hosted a mini Parelli Games event for us.  He set up two courses, Liberty and FreeStyle.  Liberty is my best Savvy with Aspen while FreeStyle is our most challenging.  I regret to say that we didn’t seize the moment with a “go big or go home!” attitude; we went the safe route with Liberty.  We had a great time, Aspen was spectacular, and we left feeling very good and happy.  But as I sat in bed last night I began to feel a little disappointed in myself.  Why hadn’t I stepped out of my comfort zone and attempted the FreeStyle course?  What had held me back?  Why hadn’t I embraced my role as learner in that environment and tried something I believed would be a challenge?  I regretted letting my worry about my competency in front of Pat Parelli, fellow instructors, students, and co-workers get in the way.  So rather than worry about it for a moment longer I decided to make a change!  

Because of my diagnostic skills gained from Parelli, as well as the development of my emotional and mental fitness, I was quickly able to assess the situation and improve upon it, embracing my experience and deciding how to make it better for next time.  So, you can count on seeing Aspen and I riding FreeStyle in the Parelli Games the very next time the opportunity presents itself.  

Our group with Pat Parelli after we finished the Parelli Games. / photo: Coco

The old me, had she had the guts to bring her horse out in front of Pat at all, would have certainly sweated at the thought of even trying out her best Savvy in front of him, thanked the Lord when it was over, and the thought would have never crossed her mind to try her worst Savvy the next time.  Thank goodness the old me and I parted ways, she clearly did not have my best interest in mind.    

So, I credit Parelli with the loss of my old self.  The part of me that was afraid to try new things, afraid to try anything because she feared she might fail.  I’m so glad she’s gone and in her place stands a proactive me that takes ownership for my life story and how it unfolds.  May it be a good one, an adventurous one, one full of growth and learning!

Leadership, Rock Climbing, and Horses

A few years ago I was dating someone who was a very ambitious climber.  He urged me to climb with him but due to his intense nature and my fear of heights it wasn't fun and I never felt successful, just scared and out of place.

I swore off climbing after trying it a few times with him - both indoor and out on real rock.  It just wasn't for me and I didn't enjoy all of the pressure I felt during the activity.

Wouldn't you know that I would find myself, once again, dating a climber.  Equally ambitious and talented, rock climbing is Shane's passion.  He eats, sleeps, and breathes the sport.  I can totally relate as I live for horses.  Having a passion is a beautiful thing.  It gives our lives purpose and meaning, something to look forward to after work and on the weekends.  It fuels our daydreams and exercises our imaginations to find the limits of our potential.  Something we've always appreciated about each other is that we each have a "thing".  As someone who's always been utterly infatuated with horses I've had trouble relating to those that aren't passionate about anything.  I can't imagine waking up in the morning and falling asleep at night not thinking about what ignites my spirit on fire, horses.

Shane has come riding with me a handful of times now.   He is not a horse person by any means, nor does he aspire to be, but he comes along so we can spend some time together doing what I love the most.  Naturally, he wanted me to go climb with him.

Shane on Thunder. :)

I shared my past experience with the sport, including my fear of heights.  I came up with every reason I wouldn't be fun to climb with: I was fearful, I was slow, I wasn't as fit as he was, I hadn't been climbing in years, I had done it before and didn't like it.  He patiently explained that he had no expectations of me, just that he wanted to share what he loved - his passion for climbing - with me.

Begrudgingly I agreed to go to the climbing gym with him.  The moment we walked through the door I began to sweat, my stomach was doing flip flops, and I had to go to the bathroom.  Not only was I terrified of climbing up to the top of the tall walls in the gym, I was afraid of what Shane would think of me.

Shane is the definition of a natural athlete - fit, strong, and balanced.  He was born to excel at any and all physical pursuits.  He's confident, mentally strong, and fearless.  I wanted to impress Shane, but I knew it would be hard to impress someone like him when I was so afraid.  Before we even got on the wall I felt embarrassed at my lack of ability, shameful of my fear, and utterly stressed that my destination was very, very high off of the ground.

He helped me get harnessed up and let me belay for him while he ascended the first route.  I was sweating so bad I could barely hold the rope.  When he came down, it was my turn to go.  He set me up on a very easy 5.5 route (basically a glorified ladder).  A blind person could have climbed this.  Not 15 feet off the ground and my heart was thumping out of my chest.  I was dripping in sweat.  I stalled out, looking down and feeling like I was hundreds of feet high.  I expected him to prod me forward, wanting me to hurry, not understanding why I physically couldn't move.  As I gripped the wall in sheer terror, exhausting my muscles and becoming more and more sure I was going to plummet to an untimely death, or at least paralysis, he just gently encouraged me.  "You've got this, babe.  Take your time."

What...?  Did he just tell me to take my time?  I wasn't even making progress!  I had gone static, and as I glanced down at him (despite the vertigo it gave me) I was surprised to see he was just happily smiling, glad to see me trying something out of my comfort zone, and delighted to be doing what he loved - no matter how elementary.  His no-pressure, neutral attitude gave me some relief that I didn't have to hurry and that actually unlocked my mind and therefore my body to climb a little higher.

Me climbing a 5.7 chimney at the gym.

If you've never been afraid of something real (rattlesnake under foot) or unreal (plummeting to your death from 15 feet off the ground) it's hard to relate to that feeling of panic.  As adrenaline pumped through me I found myself thinking, "this is good for your emotional fitness, keep going." (I thank Parelli for the ability to have that mentality in the face of a challenge.)

I promised myself that I would not quit, I would make it to the top, and I would not look down again while I doing it.  When I reached the anchors I was a mess.  Shane told me to let go of the wall and he would lower me down, but I couldn't.  I was frozen.  Rather then get exasperated or angry or rush me he just waited.  I finally let go of the holds and held onto the rope for dear life.  Now, if the rope were to break or the anchors to come loose at the top, holding the rope would do absolutely nothing to save me.  I knew this.  But my emotions had taken over and I was looking for safety and comfort anywhere I could.  When I arrived back to earth I was trembling, weak in the knees, and slick with anxiety sweat.

Instead of Shane telling me I shouldn't be afraid, or could have gone faster, or made me feel bad for taking so long on such an easy route - he congratulated me, hugged me, and told me how proud he was of me!  I was surprised and relieved.

I climbed two other routes that day, each with Shane gently encouraging me and patiently waiting as I sorted through my fear.

Now, a few weeks later I am still scared of being up high, I still don't entirely trust the rope, but I have finally seen a glimmer of fun in this terrifying sport.  Enough of a glimmer that I bought myself a unicorn chalk bag as a reward for not quitting.  I still get a big hit of adrenaline as soon as I step off the ground and onto the wall, and I can't complete all of the routes I try (which drives me nuts), but through all of the trials, I have Shane.  My patient, gentle, kind leader.  Someone I can trust to always put me first, to take care of my emotional and mental states, to be my cheerleader no matter how trivial or small my accomplishment is.  It is purely because of him that I have had any success at all in this sport and in conquering my fear.

Warming up on a 5.7 last weekend, my first outdoor climb in years.

So... why am I writing about this on a horse blog?  Because this is about leadership.  If Shane were frustrated, pushy, impatient, and unsympathetic there is no way I would have ever wanted to go climbing again.  I would have been let down and hurt by him, and would have taken no positive steps to overcoming my fear of heights.  I went from having tried and hated the sport, to buying a chalk bag and setting some personal goals for myself.  I had a huge change in attitude about climbing, credited to Shane's leadership guiding me through the tough spots and instilling in me confidence and ambition.


When our horses are truly afraid of something and we have a negative emotion toward them, we're just adding to the problem.  We live with the past, present, and future in our minds all at once.  Horses live only with the present in mind (though the past may shape how they react to things in that moment).  If we sit there and push on our horses, telling them they should hurry or invalidate their fear by saying "it's only a..." then what reason do they have to trust us?  All they know is that we are driving them deeper into their fear with no relief, with no way out.

As an introvert I can't tell you what it did for me to have Shane 1) not force me or badger me into going climbing with him before I was ready, 2) not invalidate my fear by saying it was stupid or irrational, and 3) not add any pressure to me while I was climbing.  The retreat and relief he offered at every turn allowed me to be brave enough to dip my toes in the water, and then to keep going.

Over the last few weeks as I've approached my fear of heights and retreated from it, and approached again, slowly gaining confidence, I've been thinking a lot about how this will make me a more empathetic leader for my horse.  How can I be that leader to Aspen as Shane was for me?  How can I acknowledge her fears and tensions and worries, without letting them get the best of her - guiding her toward a place of calm and confidence?

I guess that's the secret of horsemanship.  Finding the balance between patience and progression... or maybe because of the patience our horses can make progress...

In Parelli we are taught to respect our horse's thresholds, never sacrificing their confidence no matter the cost (i.e. being late to a show because they won't load in a trailer).  I've known this for a while.  But actually stepping into the shoes of not only a learner, but a terrified learner, caused me to realize all the little "makes" and "forcing" I still do with my horses - sometimes simply through my attitude.  I know I've thought to myself, "oh c'mon Aspen - we've finished Level 4, it's time for you just to be okay with this."  But I realize now how little that's doing for our relationship and her desire to be with me and trust that I have her best interest in mind.

I can only imagine if Shane had projected feelings of impatience or said to me, "oh c'mon - it's only a 5.5 and it's not even 50 feet to the top! Just go for it and hurry!"  I would have immediately felt like he couldn't be trusted to take care of me.  But because he put me first every step of the way I went from reluctantly agreeing to climb one time at the gym to being excited to expand my confidence and set some goals for myself to excel in the sport.

As a horseman I hope that I instill those same feelings of excitement and trust in my horse - to believe she can do more than she thought she could, with me by her side. 

Stepping outside of my comfort zone, in the company of a strong leader, and reflecting on how that vulnerability affected me as a fearful student, has allowed me to become a stronger, better human for my horse.

Parelli Level 3: Trusting My Skills

Alrighty, here's my story about Parelli Level 3.

So, Level 1 and Level 2 were mostly about me not dying or giving up.  I got to know my tools, myself, and my horse.  I found a new layer of dedication and grit, commitment and energy to reach a goal.  By the time I finished Level 2 I had started over with 4 horses for one reason or another.  It was a long and arduous journey and, I'd say to date, one of my greatest horsemanship accomplishments.

If you remember from my Level 2 post, I had submitted my Level 2 Auditions just weeks before attending my Fast Track course and found out I passed while at the class.

Me with my Level 1 red string when I arrived at the Fast Track.

Sooo proud to have my Level 2 blue string just a week or so into the course!

One month later at the end of the Fast Track, I was holding my green Level 3 string.

I feel like saying "BAM!" is in order.  One, because I feel cool when I say it and two, because that's basically how Level 3 happened for me.  Prior and proper preparation as well as having a lot of support during the Fast Track gave me the confidence I needed to assertively pursue my next Level.

Looking back I feel like my ENTIRE journey up until that point was all Level 3.  I mean, way back when I did my Level 1 Audition, Terry Wilson had told me that I was close to Level 3.  Now 6 years later I was still working within those same skill sets, where was the progression??

Sure, I had learned new things (mostly important emergency stop and Horsenality strategies), but I hadn't really been provocative or progressive.  I had been caught up in that vicious cycle of perfectionism and lack of confidence.  I got to a point where I trusted my horse and the process, I even felt good about the idea of sending in a less than perfect Audition, being on camera didn't bother me either...  I just didn't trust that I actually knew what I was doing.  I felt that Level 3 skills were better than what I had, thought Level 3 was more.  In my mind I had a picture of what a Level 3 horse and rider looked like, and while I wasn't focused on perfection, I just honestly didn't think we were that good.

FreeStyle has always been my most challenging Savvy with Aspen because she has so much forward, and if she's not going forward she's bucking.  In Level 3 FreeStyle it becomes a lot more important to keep your rein in the mane, or neutral, while riding around.  This was especially challenging for me on my high spirited, Right Brain Extrovert as I was constantly checking her speed with my reins.  Even riding with a Carrot Stick was death defying at times because I didn't have both hands at the ready to bend to a stop if I needed.

Because we still battled these impulsion issues I knew Level 3 was a far cry from being mine.  Level 3 horses didn't have impulsion issues, it was something they said you solved in Level 3.  After several intensely fast rides in which we had no speed control on a loose rein I knew we just weren't there yet.

Bandit

I’m mostly writing this for myself, to remember and reflect on the wonderful soul that was Bandit.  I invite you to read his story and then go hug your pets, hug your family.  Time is a treasure we cannot afford to waste.

I met Bandit when I was 15 years old, the summer of 2000, in Redding, California.  He was born March 18th, I think I met him sometime in June so he was full of energy and life, and all that is puppy.  Being that he didn’t have typical markings for the breed he hadn’t sold yet.  I was fascinated with his glossy white and black coat, bright brown eyes, and his little pink snout.

I fell in love rather quickly.  He was happy and sweet with a soft and gentle spirit.  He wasn’t allowed inside the house so I spent many nights that summer sleeping outside on the trampoline so we could be together.  I remember he would be in my sleeping bag or pressed against the side of my face and together we’d watch the moon set over the mountains and the sun rise the next morning.

Me & My Shadow - Confidence Building the Natural Way

Me and My Shadow-

The outcome of this exercise is to build rapport with your horse.  By playing Me and My Shadow you will start proving to your horse that you are interested in seeing things from his point of view.

How To:

1. On the ground, stand in Zone 3 (where you would be if you were riding), and ask your horse to begin walking.

2. Allow whatever he does.  It doesn’t matter if it’s just one step or if he can’t move at all. 

3. Mirror his response with your energy, attitude, posture, speed, and movements.  What did your horse do when you asked for the walk?
    a. Did he start walking briskly forward?  Is he bold and curious?  Or is he moving his feet out of fear?
    b. Does he stand still or turn his head away?  Does he freeze or pin his ears?
    c. Does he begin tentatively walking in a straight line?  Zig zagging lines? 
    d. Is he exploring and touching things or spooking and avoiding things?
    e. Ask yourself, what does this tell me about my horse's ideas and confidence?

4.    When or if he stops, let him rest for 7 seconds and then ask for forward again.

5.    Continue with the exercise until you begin to find relaxation and harmony with your horse.  He should appear more confident, curious, and connected. 
    a. This could be a lowered head, blowing out, softer eyes, more ease of movement, more willing to sniff and touch things, etc. 

6.    When your horse reaches this point the exercise is over.

If you are familiar with the Passenger Lesson* from the Level 2 FreeStyle program you can think of this as a similar exercise.  The difference being you’re on the ground instead of on their back.  Both of these exercises are great for building both yours and your horse’s confidence, trust, rapport, harmony, and relaxation together.

Quiz your understanding!

1. When I play Me and My Shadow I should position myself:
1. Near his head as if I were leading him.
2.  In Zone 3, similar to where I would be if I were riding him.
2. When doing this exercise I should:
1. Stay neutral and not do anything in my body.
2. Mirror my horse’s mental, emotional, and physical state.
3. I quit playing when:
1. My horse is feeling relaxed, confident, and connected.
2. When I’m ready to stop walking/standing around waiting for my horse to do something.

*A Passenger Lesson is a Friendly Game played while riding FreeStyle.  To do this you will stay on your Balance Point while pushing on the horse’s neck to properly weight your seat and stay with your horse’s movements.  Begin at the walk, then you may progress to the trot and canter. 

Ask your horse to begin in your chosen gait and mirror his energy/attitude/posture/speed/movement.  Look where he looks, bend in your body where he bends in his, feel what he’s feeling and just go with him (as long as it’s safe!).  If he stops, rub him, then ask him to go again.  You’re looking for connection and relaxation from your horse and fluidity and synergy from yourself as a rider.

The Passenger Lesson will develop your confidence, balance, and fluidity.  It will also develop harmony between you and your horse under saddle and expand the horse’s understanding that you won’t micromanage him.

Safety note: If you can’t bend to a stop from a walk, DO NOT trot.  If you can’t bend to a stop from a trot, DO NOT canter.

New Parelli Commercial...starring me and a beautiful white horse!

I feel so privileged to be a part of such an awesome experience in filming this new Parelli commercial!

Tell me, what do you think?

How to Fix Hard to Catch Horses

Aspen leaving her friends to meet me at the gate.

Let's start this post with how I like to catch my horses.

1. I show up to the barn and get within hearing or eyesight of my horses so they know I'm there.  Ideally this happens even if they're very far away.  To help this process I've been known to make loud and obnoxious bird calls and other animal sounds to get their attention... when in the company of other people I usually just call out, "heyyyyy pretty laadddiieesssss!" which works just as well as a bird call, however much less fun.
2. Next my horses look up and see that I'm there.
3. They run to me.
4. They put their heads in my open halter and stand quietly while I tie it up.

If these things don't occur I know something is wrong and that 99.9% of the time it's going to be a rapport and relationship issue.  If my horses see me and don't come in I ask myself a few questions:

1. Is she sick or injured?
2. What did I do with her last time that may not have been as good for her as it was for me?

There hasn't been a single time that my horses haven't come to see me because they were sick or injured.  If they're not coming in it's because whatever we did together last time didn't enthuse and inspire them to want to do it again the next time.

This logic puts all of the responsibility back on ME if my horse's are hard to catch, or at least not enthusiastic about seeing me.  In no way do I ever, ever, ever blame my horse for not coming in or label them as "hard to catch" or "bad catchers".  They were fine in the pasture doing what they do until I showed up, so it's the human that needs to take responsibility for adding that variable that caused the horse be hard to catch.

Some horses are extreme, they see a human and run away!  Some just always maintain their distance at an arms length.  Some will stand there and watch you approach.  Some may walk a little ways to you and stop.  I repeat, I want my horses to trot or canter in (or at least walk in with some pep)!  That is my ideal catch.  

When I bought Aspen a few years ago she did not want to be caught.  She'd see me and walk away, stay out of reach, but eventually resign herself to her fate and let me halter her.

As we started going through the Parelli Levels Program and building rapport and respect she became more and more interested in seeing me, eventually regarding me with a very positive expression when I would arrive.

Next thing I knew she was trotting in every day, sometimes even cantering.  She was so excited to see me that even when I turned her out after a ride, in a big grassy pasture with her herd mates, she'd often stick with me anyway.  Standing at the gate and watching me drive away before moseying out to graze with her pals.

That has become our norm.  However, about a month or so ago she started not greeting me at the gate, eventually walking away when I'd come out with the halter!  

I was really hurt at first and took it a bit personally.  It'd be like knocking on your best friend's door and having them snap close the blinds and hide.  So I began reflecting on our last several sessions, realizing I'd been using her for a lot of beginner Level 1 lessons and not doing as much for her as she was for me.

I thought eventually the problem would just go away and she'd be happy to see me after a few "regular" sessions with me and not students.  Nope.  She wasn't impressed and preferred if I didn't come for her.

So I went back to my favorite thing to do with my horses whenever something isn't right in our relationship or if I've had to make a big "withdraw" from our relationship bank.  Undemanding time.

I began taking her out and not even brushing her (she doesn't much prefer to be brushed), I wouldn't even look at her, I just took her to some grass and sat with her while she grazed.  I did this for several days, which was hard because I wanted to ride and do things!  I forced myself not to even think about riding when we were together so there was absolutely no pressure on her.

Then, all of a sudden one day I showed up and she walked right up to me with forward ears and bright eyes.  She was happy to see me!  Last night she cantered to me for the first time in a couple months!  Victory!  

Here is a little video from tonight of her seeing me as I walked down the fence line to the gate.  I want to be clear that this is not about bribery, treats, or food. The change occurred because I did something that she wanted to do!  Now, that might be a little different for another horse, maybe your horse likes being brushed or going exploring On Line, however Aspen does not.  She just wanted zero pressure and to be in my company, the bonus was the grazing.  So you see here she looks happy to see me and connected.

And here's a video of her from last summer, her usual catch!  She left grain and a herd of horses (which you can't see over the hill) to greet me at the gate! 

I did an Externship course at the Parelli ranch a couple years ago and 6 weeks into the 12 week course students' horses were starting to sour.  They didn't want to be caught and were becoming dull to the idea of being played with and ridden... Most of them except Aspen.  She maintained her excitement to see me and our Liberty (our best and favorite Savvy) continued to be awesome!  I mention our Liberty because this is a truth test when you take off the halter, you get to see how they're really feeling about you especially when you start making requests of them.  I had several students asking me how and why our draw was so good, our catching was so good, and our relationship was still solid.  

My answer?

Lots of undemanding time.  LOTS!  

In a herd environment horses are spending 24 hours a day together.  Maybe only 10 - 30 minutes of that time are they pushing each other around.  It could be more if you have very playful horses, but in our herd it's minimal.  There are 1,440 minutes in a day and say only 20-30 minutes of that they are pushing on each other, that's only 2% of their time together that isn't undemanding!  

Compare when we show up, we spend 1 hour a day with our horses and 100% of that time we're pushing on them, asking them to do things on our timeline and under our goals.  You can see why horses would rather be with each other than us!

I challenge you to start to shift that ratio and spend more undemanding time with your horse and see what relationship gems blossom from it!

When is an offer not an offer anymore?

Okay, so I know that I owe everyone a Level 3 blog and it's coming!  These Levels blogs are harder than I thought, so I want it to be perfect for you.  I also want to say thank you for all of your warm emails and comments in response to my Levels journey.  It is my privilege to inspire and help you any way I can in your journey.

This blog is about knowing the difference between when your horse is offering you something and when he's taking over, either as an assumption or to dominate the situation.

First we need to know, what is an offer?  To me, an offer is when my horse is asking me questions and offering to try something for me.  She's connected to my thoughts and trying to satisfy my request.  She's looking for a release through communication.

Remember that communication is two or more individuals sharing and understanding an idea - so this is a mutual experience. We're sharing ideas, I'm making suggestions, and she's offering up possible answers and checking in.

When a horse is taking over it can happen in a few ways, by making an assumption or trying to dominate you.  What does that look like?  For me, it's different in my two horses, both extroverts, but one is Left Brain and the other is Right Brain.

My Left Brain Extrovert mare may or may not try what I'm asking.  Sometimes she just checks out and does her own thing.  She ignores me, stays out of reach, gets big, gets fast - whatever it takes so I can't control her feet.  Most frequently she doesn't wait for me to finish my request (extrovert!) and then does her own thing.

For example, say we're at Liberty and I want to send her on a circle, I'll back her out and before I can send she'll just pick a direction and blast off.  Now she's on a circle, which is what I wanted, but not through communication.  She didn't wait to see if I was going to ask her to come back in, like a Yo-Yo, or which direction to go if I were to send on a circle, she just made an assumption and went.

This is her taking over the game and dominating me by not fulfilling my request.  Now she's going around, ignoring what speed or direction I want her to go.  Then she will look at me with two ears and run in.  To someone else this might seem like exuberance and a great draw, but what's really happening is, on solely her terms, she decided the game was over and came in.  In her mind she feels smart and playful and like she is dominant over me.  She kind of did what I wanted but on her own agenda, thereby controlling the situation.

Blasting off, having fun, and ignoring me.

Decided the game was over and ran in and tried mugging me for treats.

The Left Brain horses are usually looking for fun, freedom, and dominance so they're going to try and outsmart and outmaneuver you by making assumptions.

When my Right Brain Extrovert mare takes over she's usually looking for comfort by doing something she knows.  I've taught her the Spanish Walk, and it's become one of her go-to things to try when she's confused or looking for a release.  If she's not sure what I want she'll try Spanish Walk, if she wants a treat she'll Spanish Walk.  This is how specialty movements (like the Spanish Walk or rear for example) turn into tricks instead of mutual conversation.  The horse knows that when she learned Spanish Walk she got lots of love and rest and treats.  It made her feel good, smart, and secure.  So naturally, if she's feeling unconfident she's going to try something she feels really good about doing - she is thinking by doing this it will make me happy and I will take the pressure off.

When I was first teaching her to pick up her feet with me in preparation for the Spanish Walk.  She's connected and thinking about my request, this was an offer.

The Right Brain horse is looking for reassurance and validation by doing something they understand and know very well.  She's taking over our session by doing this but her intention is a little different than my Left Brain horses.

An offer is something your horse is trying to do in an honest effort to have a conversation with you and satisfy what you're asking.  

A takeover is when your horse is making an assumption about what you want and/or doing something entirely different from what you're asking in order to control the situation.  

You've likely heard the saying, "Expect a lot, accept a little, reward the slightest try."  For me, I sometimes equate offer with effort.   Is she trying and honestly looking for an answer?  Is she thinking through the process and hunting for that "open door", the release?  If so, that's an offer.

I want for her to be checking in, listening to my body language, following my ideas, and stay connected.

When I'm playing with her and she starts trying things I'm not asking for, before I correct her and squelch her play and confidence I ask myself a couple things:  Is she offering something and checking back in or is she just doing things and checking out?  Can I control that behavior or is it out of my control?

3-Star Parelli Pro Lillan Roquet recently said that "a horse will always do what the understand first, the last thing they do is what they learn."  I feel like this is so important when determining if your horse is making offers or assumptions.

You have to be a strong enough leader with a ton of focus and willpower and crystal clear body language so your horse can find the answer.  If you're muddy in your request the horse won't know what to do and is going to try something they already know.  So I need to be sure I am being exact in my communication with my horse.

I know she's going to do a lot of things before she gets to the right answer when she's learning and that's okay.

When she knows what we're doing, it's something we've done 100 times, and she's doing something else despite my clear request - then I know it's a take over.


A quick story-

When I first got Aspen and was beginning to play with jumps I would always be really sure to play it just like Pat does in Level 1 and 2, as a Squeeze Game.  Jump, turn, face, wait.  Pretty soon Aspen would drag me to a jump, jump it, then turn-face-wait, usually coming in after a few seconds for a cookie.

I thought this was so cool!  She really got it!  She was hunting the jump, she was turning and facing, and then checking in with me.

What was really happening was she'd see the jump, know the pattern and just take over because she knew how to get herself some comfort.  If I wanted to change course or ask her to keep going after the jump that just wasn't an option.  She was doing it that same way, every time, no matter what.  That was her making assumptions, looking for reassurance and confidence.

Here we were circling and she detoured for the jump, did it, and came right back to me.  When what she should have been doing was staying on the circle while I stayed in neutral... Maintain gait/maintain direction!

Not long into that habit I created in her, it switched from reassurance and confidence as her motivation to her just doing it, very left brain, because she wanted her damn cookie.  If I asked her to keep going after the jump or stop before it, or anything besides jump-turn-face-wait she'd throw a tantrum.  This was the switch from RB to LB and her motivation in taking over.  This was not an offer.

I created this situation through my lack of progression and my lack of being particular without being critical.  I didn't understand how to keep the conversation interesting and engaging in which we were sharing ideas and advancing our skills.  I also didn't know how to up the ante, even just a little and say, "hey you can jump AND keep going on this circle for 3 laps."  Because I didn't do that I just keep reinforcing her behavior until she went on autopilot.

The first time I got really clear that she needed to keep going after the jump and not just run in for a treat it blew her mind.  At first she had a small fit, then lost some confidence, then realized I was just being firm but fair, and our connection and draw skyrocketed.

We were back to having a two way conversation, not just me saying, "How about you..." and her cutting me off going, "Yeah, yeah I got it!..  Oh heck no, I don't do anything after a jump besides turn-face-wait!!! Now, where's my cookie?!!"

This was a defining moment for me in my horsemanship.  It's something I still am learning about and feeling from my horses.

Do you have horses that offer or take assumptions?  Tell me in the comments!

It's all feedback!

Aspen and I last summer riding during sunset.

Parelli Level 2... Why does it take so long?!

I've been putting off this post about Level 2 for about as long as it took me to finish Level 2.... FOREVER!  Mostly because I didn't know where to start as it was a journey that took several years to finish.

I passed the original Parelli Level 1 with Mocha, my Left Brain Extrovert ex-race horse.  Right around that time I was packing up and moving to Montana to pursue a Bachelor of Science degree in Natural Horsemanship from the University of Montana-Western in Dillon.

Not long after I got to Montana Mocha injured his hock and I had to retire him.  I needed a horse for my college program and didn't have much time to search around for the perfect partner.  Some "settling" had to happen and I went from a big, sexy Thoroughbred to a chubby sport pony!

He was round as a rainbow, a solid 14.2h (just small enough so I could jump on bareback!), and a beautiful smokey grulla color with pinto markings and a dorsal stripe.  He was fancy, he was athletic, and he could buck!

The Pony and I.

I had Level 2 going pretty well with Mocha but I was a little lost starting over with this introverted pony.  I had a hard time reading him, he wasn't interested in me, he didn't want to play, and he was unpredictable and explosive (sound like a Right Brain Introvert by chance?).  Riding him felt like riding a ninja with dynamite in his feet.

I had this little guy throughout college, which was unfortunately very anti-Parelli, I focused on my academic studies and not so much on the Parelli Levels Program.

Not long before I got The Pony (that was his terribly original name) I had been in a bad accident with a colt and had been suffering confidence issues since.  With The Pony I was getting bucked off all the time.  My Natural Horsemanship program instructors couldn't help me with his bucking issues and there were no other Parelli people around.  It was terribly damaging to my confidence and I was constantly hurt and either at the chiropractor or the hospital.

The Pony and I at La Cense toward the end of college.

Love yourself... ♥

Passing Parelli Level 1

This is a follow up to my post Parelli Level 1 - What Do You Learn? because I forgot to tell you how I passed my Level 1!

Mocha and I are the 4th horse/rider pair from the left with Terry Wilson (in yellow) standing next to us.

The opportunity to participate in a clinic with 3-Star Parelli Professional Terry Wilson came up.  He was offering two clinics: basic Level 1 and Advanced Level 1/Beginning Level 2.  

At that time Level 1 had riding in it and the Audition (then called an Assessment) included 21 minutes of trotting!  I hemmed and hawed with where I was at, if I was good enough to take the Adv. L1/L2 clinic or if I should stick to the safe route and go with the basic L1.

With the support of my mentor I chose to go for the more advanced course.  It was perfect for where Mocha and I were at.

We learned so much but I still didn't feel ready to do my Level 1 Assessment.  At that time Parelli Instructors could do live assessments in the field with students so most of the clinic participants signed up to assess with Terry.

I watched person after person go before Terry with their horse and perform a lengthy list of tasks both on the ground and under saddle.

I wasn't ready so I just stayed in the background watching, wishing I was good enough.

At the end of the weekend Terry came up to me and asked why I hadn't assessed with everyone else.  I told him that Mocha and I still had things to work on and it wasn't perfect.  I needed to practice a lot more.

He smiled and then handed me my red string.  "Congratulations," he said, "I saw you playing and riding during the clinic.  You and Mocha should be ready to pass your Level 3 in a few months, you are more than ready for your red string.  Don't doubt yourself so much."

I was thrilled, flattered, and feeling a little undeserving but trusted Terry's judgement of my skills.  It was a big lesson for me in a lot of ways.  

First, assessing for your Level doesn't mean that you and your horse are perfect.  An Audition is all about showing your savvy and ability to problem solve, it's not about having each task PERFECT.  If you were perfect you'd be Pat Parelli.

Second, I learned to believe in myself a little more.  Fear and doubt will hold you back, so trust the process, trust yourself, trust your horse and take chances.  This is true for all areas of life.

With that, I was the proud owner of a bright red Level 1 string and a clear vision of where to go next in my horsemanship.  Level 2! 

Stay tuned for my Level 2 journey!  In the mean time check out my Facebook page for daily tidbits, fun photos, and inspiration! 

Since my Level 1 Audition was live I have a fun Level 1 Audition from my little friend Tristan.  He filmed this just days after his 5th birthday with my Levels horse, Aspen. :)

Parelli Level 1 - What Do You Learn?

For me, the Parelli Levels Program is THE most important part of Parelli.

It is the ultimate step-by-step pathway to truly understanding how your horse thinks and how you can bring out the best in him.  Naturally and without you even knowing it, the Levels Program will cause you to become who your horse needs you to be so that you may earn the role of herd leader.

This is the first in a series of posts, I'm going to be writing 4 blogs, one for each Level I have completed and share a little about that journey.

So, this post is all about Level 1.  The MOST important Level.

By the time you complete Level 4 you will realize that everything you needed to know you learned in Level 1.  Level 4 is simply Level 1 with excellence.

Here is a very brief overview of my horse experience before I began Level 1:

I got into horses as a very young child (around 2.5 years old) as I needed lots of physical therapy for various balance, strength, and sensory perception issues I had as a child.  My love of horses was born, a passion unlike any other was ignited inside me.

At 14 I had saved enough money to buy a horse and got involved with horses in a very "normal and traditional" way.  I worked at various barns cleaning stalls and riding my horse as often as I could.  Eventually I started volunteering at an off-track Thoroughbred barn and got into jumping.  Between 14 and 19 I learned a lot about how to make horses do things.   There wasn't a horse I was afraid of, nor was there a horse I couldn't find a way to make do what I wanted, whether it was bigger bits, tighter nose bands, or sedatives.  It didn't always feel good but I thought it was the only way to be with horses.

Enter one inspiring woman and her Parelli Levels horse at my new barn, playing at Liberty on a beautiful summer afternoon.  I was awed, dazzled, and totally hooked.

Under her tutelage I began Level 1 with my young, off-track Thoroughbred gelding (I now know he was a Left Brain Extrovert).  He was fast, dominant, pushy, opinionated, and mesmerizing.  He was like a Ferrari and I was in love.

Mocha, my first Levels horse, winning at Emerald Downs in Washington!

Everything he did I thought was beautiful and fancy, even if it was actually dangerous.  My new mentor, Terry, quickly made it clear to me he was not always to be admired, he needed to be controlled.

It was unacceptable for him to drag me along behind him, head braced in the halter and bearing down on the lead rope so that he towed me along like a skier.  It was also unacceptable for him not to stop when I was riding, to buck in the canter, to paw, to invade my space, to bite and mouth me, knock my hat off, head butt me, wiggle and twist, and the list went on.

Mocha being silly, as usual!

Terry loaned me all the gear I needed to get started: a Parelli rope halter, 12' line, and a Carrot Stick and Savvy String.  Gone was my buttery soft leather halter and flimsy white cotton lead.

I now had a rope long enough to hang myself with and a giant, stiff whip that I was sure was meant to trip me or my horse (or poke our eyes out) at any given moment.

With Terry at the helm of my transformation I was ready to become a natural horseman!

What is it called when you care too much? Hint... It's not emotional fitness!

This year I learned a big life lesson and something very important about myself.  I learned that it is possible to care too much about something - especially something that is out of your scope of control.

Without going into too much detail there was a situation in which I cared so much about the outcome and wanted the best for others that I was unable to take a step back and be objective when I needed to.

When you become so deeply involved in something you lose sight of the big picture, your emotional investment overrides your mental ability to be rational.  Regardless of your intentions, when your scale is tipped heavily to the side of emotions you simply are not operating in a place of centered awareness.

This can happen with horsemanship too.  The emotion is ambition.  We're so enthused and impassioned to reach our goals that we, at times, can over do it.  We push, and try, and drill, and become frustrated when it doesn't go as planned.

As you know, fear and frustration have no place in horse training.  These are emotions the horse just can't compute.   The horse reads us as extremely predatory when we are in that type of mindset.  Naturally, this isn't going to help you achieve your goals.

Making a choice not to care too much doesn't mean you shouldn't have goals and it certainly doesn't mean that you shouldn't care about things; it just means you need to stay balanced in your perception of reality.

"Too" is the operative word in my statement.  Don't care too much.  That means more than is helpful, necessary, and productive to a situation or person.  You can love something without overdoing it.  This is where having good emotional fitness comes in.

Emotional fitness can mean so many things, if you ask Pat he says it's being in a situation when you have butterflies, being able to control your butterflies and have them fly in formation.  Linda says it is staying left brain in a right brain situation.  Dr. Jenny Susser says it is having the ability to rise to meet a difficult situation without compromising your ethics and character.

I would add to their sentiments and say that emotional fitness is being able to be aware of yourself so much so that you know when you're not being emotionally fit and then remove yourself from that situation.  It's okay if your butterflies don't fly in formation, or if you're not left brain, and if you can't rise up to meet that difficult time.

What is critical is being aware enough to know that you can't or aren't ready to handle something and walk away!  Take the time it takes to find your center again before diving in head first to handle something, especially when you are extremely invested in it.

In my case this year, though what I wanted to have happen would have been best for everyone involved, it wasn't my place to force that on them.  People have to find their own way, make their own mistakes, and pick themselves up after a fall.  I can't make other people's way for them and if I ever do I am robbing them of a valuable learning experience.

Remember this applies to your horsemanship too!  Let your horse take you through the journey at their pace, they will learn so much more and the end result will be pure.  Your horse is in charge of the principles and the timeline and you are in charge of the purpose and goals.  

Our greatest gift to others (and our horses) is to let them live their lives - let them own their experiences.  It's a beautiful thing to care deeply about your career, your partner, your children, your horses, and your dreams - just make sure you stay as centered as possible under pressure when you have a high emotional investment.

I hope that there are people and things in your life that you care about like crazy, love with all you have inside of you, and strive to support every day.  Just don't take over and let your idea of what you think should be cloud what is out of your control and isn't your business to change.

Go forth now, love life and be emotionally fit!

How to Clean Your Parelli Ropes

"Pat Parelli was inspired by Tom Dorrance’s advice that horses need to be able to drift and teeter. During ground work, your horse needs to be able to move out a bit and have enough room to turn and face you, get control and then come back.  For this reason, you should choose rope that moves through your hands smoothly to avoid jerking your horse.

Parelli rope is smooth, slightly forgiving, and will flow through your hands as your horse needs additional space. Rather than drag your horse from point A to point B, our ropes are designed to allow for drift and teeter by both the nature of what they are made of, as well as the length.

The rope you usually see used for halters and leads is typically nylon rope and was never designed to withstand the unique challenges an equine application presents.  Nylon rope stretches, can become stiff with use, increases in size over time and absorbs unwanted moisture.

The 100% polyester [yachting] rope used at Parelli has been specifically engineered with horsemanship use in mind. Parelli's rope is dirt, sweat, mildew, rot,  and UV resistant.  This means that your rope will stay truer to it's original form longer, without fading, stretching, popping or elongating." (parelli.com)


So how are you caring for your rope to ensure you get the most life out of it?  Are you throwing it in the wash with bleach or detergent?  Are you not washing it at all?

Here are some best practice tips when it comes to washing your Parelli ropes:

• A plain water rinse does wonders to reduce build up of sand and dirt.  Spray down with a hose or let sit in a bucket of water for a few minutes then "squeedgy" out the water.  You can do this with your hand by squeezing the rope and sliding your hand down it's length.
• If they're really dirty and you're going to wash your ropes in the washing machine put them in pillowcases first.  This does a couple of things:
• It helps keep your ropes from wrapping around the center agitator of the washer (if you have that style washing machine).
• It keeps the snap from banging around in your washer.
• It protects the ropes and gentles the action of the washer on them.
• Use a gentle cycle.  These ropes are surprisingly easy to clean and don't require high heat or a lot of action to get them clean - this will only accelerate their deterioration.   
• Use a mild detergent or none at all!  Soaps can reduce many of the desired properties of the rope such as it's UV resistance, smooth feel, and elasticity.  Use a soap with a pH between 7 and 9, or just use a fabric softener in a small/medium amount.
• Never use bleach or abrasive soaps.  Never!
• Let air dry, if you dry with heat you may shrink or warp the core of the rope.

For more detailed information about yachting rope and cleaning information visit: http://www.practical-sailor.com/issues/37_7/features/clean_rope_10509-1.html

A few photos from Sunday, 11/1/15

Beating the barbed wire and winning the Porcupine Game

I went out on a trail ride a couple nights ago with a friend who's never been on a horse before.  I saddled up the horses and asked Aspen to be a good girl.  This was a situation that I knew would require a "withdraw" from our relationship bank.

I make as many deposits as I possibly can to our relationship bank through undemanding time, Friendly Game, grazing walks/rides, and doing things that Aspen likes and feels really smart doing.

She's not a confident horse as she is innately a Right Brain Extrovert - so leading out on a trail ride while ponying another horse with the expectation that she needs to be a solid partner for me is a big ask.  That's the withdraw - you have to behave and put the needs of the group first. 

It is times like these that consequently raise my leadership in her eyes though.  Sometimes you just gotta do something and trust me.  When she comes out the other side it only reaffirms to her that I can make decisions on her behalf that were safe and comfortable.

Now don't get me wrong, if she had a serious break in confidence or disconnect from me then I would have gotten off and addressed that.  But as it were, I just needed her to trust me, to trust in herself and lead the ride calmly. 

As we were riding along I could feel Aspen wanting to do a lot of things besides walk down the trail.  She wanted to spook and gawk, she wanted to prance and jig a bit, and she wanted to kick the horse I was ponying.

But she didn't actually do any of those things.  She was trying so hard to listen to my seat and energy as we went

All of a sudden she stopped, took a strange and halting half step then backed up.  She looked back at me over her shoulder.  I could tell something was wrong and looked down to see we had become completely ensnared in some barbed wire I hadn't seen in the tall grass.

I jumped off and noticed the other horse was tangled in the same wire as Aspen. Stay calm I told myself.

I asked Aspen to pick up her feet in turn and managed to get her out of the wire, then asked her to stand quietly while I untangled the other horse.

And that's it.  It turned out to be a complete non-event, which is the best part!

Aspen would have never stood quietly as the lead horse on a trail ride while I untangled barbed wire from her and another horse when I first got her.  She would have kicked it and twisted it and it likely would have ripped her and the other horse to shreds.

Thanks to Parelli Aspen knows how to yield to pressure, how to trust me as her leader.

She felt that Porcupine Game around her legs and stopped and waited.  She looked to me for help and guidance and knew I would help her solve the puzzle.

The ride finished out smoothly, the horses were calm and happy by the time we got back, and thankfully were injury free.

Every horse should know how to lead by the legs and follow a feel below the knees - this is a life saver for horses!  Thank you Parelli!

Guess where I went!

The Big Top!

Salty, my beautiful ride in Parelli land!

Asking For My Dream

As many of you know I work at Parelli Central in beautiful Pagosa Springs, Colorado.  I am on the Marketing Team which means that I now work closely with Mark Weiler (our company president) and Linda Parelli.

I was beside myself when I first drove up to the Parelli Ranch in 2012 for a month long course that set me on the path to becoming a Parelli Professional.  Stepping foot in the Parelli headquarters for the first time during that same year I remember feeling dazzled. I was truly at the heart of Parelli.

One day at lunch Mark came to introduce himself to my course mates in the lodge.  He had us all stand up and share our names and where we were from.  I remember just looking at him felt like an energy overload.  If you've met Mark Weiler you know exactly what I am talking about.  He's a burning ball of passion, energy, and enthusiasm.

The following year I came back for a 3 month course to qualify for a star rating as a Parelli Professional.  Naturally Mark made an appearance and we all introduced ourselves.  Afterward he came up to me and shook my hand and said hello.  He then asked me if my hair was real.  Yes, he did.  "Does your hair really just do that?"  Now, if you know me, you know I have big, crazy, wavy hair and at the time it was very long.  "Yes, it does."  I replied, him still shaking my hand, me feeling like I was being electrocuted.  I knew I should have said something more witty, or at least followed up with something smart to say, or ask the president of the company I longed to be a part of an interesting question but instead I think I said something like, "you should see it when it rains!".  Because all men know that curly hair gets even crazier in the rain, right?  He then told me I should never change my hair and it was nice to meet me.

Ask The Trainer LIVE - Problem Solving w/ Parelli!

Parelli is taking horse training questions this Friday from 8am - 4pm on Twitter!  Don't miss out!